I really fucked up, I finally had enough of my mom’s crap but I didn’t want to embarrass her in front of her friend so I sent her texts which she purposefully ignored until now about how I felt and now she’s gonna show them to my dad and I don’t take back anything I said but I know my dad is gonna react to it differently (again only focusing on the fact I used the word “fucking” a few times instead of reading what I was actually saying) he’s gonna force me to talk about how I feel (what he wants to hear) and even being in that situation is gonna make me break down like even right now I’m trying my hardest not to break out into tears because I need to look tough or else my mother is gonna treat me like a joke. Instead of actually understanding what I say she just gets angry and threatens to call my father. She doesn’t realize how much stress she puts me in even when I tell her and I don’t know how much clearer I can be. I’ve been staying at other people’s houses nearly every day for the past week because my mother literally makes me feel like shit to the point where I do not want to be home. My mother makes me pay “rent” at 17, who the FUCK does that??? She essentially charges me to be my mother and then doesn’t actually do anything. I deal with so much mental abuse and to her I’m just being dramatic.

I’m so sorry I’ve been so negative recently, I’m so stressed out and I wish I could talk to people but I’m so used to not being able to say how I feel, that’s how it’s always been, I wish I knew how but I just keep to myself until I end up doing something fucking stupid. I just feel like my feelings don’t mean anything to anyone and no one fucking cares, they’re just waiting for me to “get over it” so they can just move on with their lives.